I have often felt like in a lot of the relationships I have with people, friendships and all, I put in more effort than the other person. And it’s not necessarily their fault…it’s just that I care too much sometimes. I wish I didn’t. I’m getting so much better at it though. I’m now slowly beginning to be able to pull myself away from people who I’ve had to struggle to keep around, people who I want to be close to but don’t need to be close to. It’s becoming gradually more natural and easy to deal with. I don’t know if I’m being passive or what but I’m becoming happier with myself and the relationships I have with people. As lame as it sounds, I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself in just one year and that’s a wonderful thing.
For the first time in a while, I’m a little homesick. I think it’s because all of these amazing things are happening to my family and I’m not with them to cherish it all. At least I’ll be going home at the end of October when Gen’s baby is born. I can’t wait for that! It’s all I think about! It’ll be kind of rough trying to get away from classes for a day and getting there soon enough to see the baby for at least a whole day and then flying back to NY. College really does change everything.
I don’t think many people realize this…it actually hit me the other day…but think about it: it’s a big contradiction to say you believe in luck and that you also believe in God. Why? Because luck would mean arbitrariness and God is not, in any way, arbitrary. If he made arbitrary decisions, what kind of god would He be? (I learned about that point in my philosophy class, the arbitrary god thing, that is). He has a reason for the things he does. So if you say you firmly believe in God, then there really is no need to worry about being unlucky or lucky or bad things just happening for no reason. It’s one or the other. Arbitrariness or no arbitrariness. It hit me the other day because I was thinking about how some people seem to “have all the luck” with certain things in life that I wish I were “lucky” with. But it isn’t luck. Everything has to happen for a reason. I hate telling myself that but I need to. Because if I don’t, I really don’t see the meaning of life at all. And telling yourself that everything happens for a reason is not an excuse to let yourself be passive either. I don’t know…I change my mind about this a lot…but most of the time, I believe everything happens for a reason. I think.
Ice age heat wave, can’t complain
If the world’s at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way
Went to the porch to have a thought
Got to the door and again, I couldn’t stop
You don’t know where and you don’t know when
But you still got your words and you got your friends
Walk along to another day
Work a little harder, work another way
Well uh-uh baby I ain’t got no plan
Well I’ll float on maybe, would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe, would you understand?
Well I’ll float on maybe, would you understand?
The days get shorter and the nights get cold
I like the autumn but this place is getting old
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast
It might not be a lot but I feel like I’m making the most
The days get longer and the nights smell green
I guess it’s not surprising but it’s spring and I should leave
I like songs about drifters - books about the same
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane
Walked on off to another spot
I still haven’t got anywhere that I want
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I’m caught in an undertow?
The moths beat themselves to death against the lights
Adding their breeze to the summer nights
Outside, water like air was great
I didn’t know what I had that day
Walk a little farther to another plan
You said that you did, but you didn’t understand
I know that starting over is not what life’s all about
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn’t hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn’t hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud
Thanks to Yahoo News, I just found out that Michael Phelps is currently not the best swimmer in the world. Ryan Lochte is :(
I do love watching Lochte swim and I know he deserves to be recognized this year for getting 6 gold medals (Phelps got 5) at the Pan Pacific Championships and beating Phelps in the 200 individual medley and 200 backstroke finals at the US National Champtionships in August. BUT…I love Phelps even more and I’m hoping that he’s able to come back at the 2012 London Olympics!
He’s the only reason why I even bother to watch the Olympics.
I wish I had more guts. Guts to speak up and say hi to him or just smile at him the next time he looks over at me. Guts to go to that audition. Guts to be as loud as I want as soon as I meet a person instead of having to “warm up” to them. Guts to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve changed somewhat since high school and it’s been for the better but I could deal with a little more change.
I think Alison Sudol of A Fine Frenzy is absolutely one of the most beautiful women in the world. If you aren’t already familiar with her music and need some recommendations to get you started, listen to this delicious handful of songs:
Everyone loves a man, who lets the hardest people build him up and cut him down to lovable size
And somebody holds a candle, by right it tastes all longing
Words are remembered: us and them, you love, you despise
I’ve seen the years go by in triple lines of gray
Oh, you were always on the ground
You’re always on the ground
If I could catch you, I would hold you for a day
Oh, won’t you do this when you can
Do what you can
I’ve seen the hardest people soften in the spotlight
Won’t you stop and breathe, tell me what you want to feel
I could draw on all these things, baby I feel this beauty pull me two-way
Soft and warm, I know this all I need, one day we will learn to grieve
Baby I’d leave you for the person you used to be
Guys, don’t text a girl in the middle of the night if you have absolutely nothing to say to her that is of importance. Don’t get into her mind and make her think things are going somewhere. Don’t let her think you’re sitting somewhere thinking of her and only her and that’s why you need to text her. Don’t let her think any of that if it isn’t true. Don’t keep beating around the bush. If you need to say something, say it. If you don’t, let her forget about you and just please stop leaving her hanging. And that’s that.